Ringworld - by Larry Niven

Ringworld... it's a world that is also a ring

 
I am not even going to bother reviewing this book. It's number 44 on NPR's list of the top 100 sci-fi/fantasy books of all time. Nerds everywhere agree, it's worth a read. But, here is where they are wrong. If you are going to read anything by Mr. Niven, you are going to read The Integral Trees and then its sequel The Smoke Ring.

East takes you out, out takes you west, west takes you in, in takes you east; north and south bring you back.

What I DO intend to talk about is phonetics and the concept of invented cuss words.

There is something perversely satisfying about saying the word "f*ck". Whole documentaries have been made to that effect. Other science fiction sagas have invented expletives with varying degrees of success. Some have even chosen to swear in an existing language not native to its core audience. Of all the myriad invented oaths, only one has ever really done the job: Frak.

You might think it's because it's the most similar to the F-word proper, and you are correct in part. I firmly hold to the opinion, because it is the correct one, that it is phonetically appealing as a curse word.

There is something deeply satisfying about the sounds of K's, T's, and hard C's. Possibly why the "C Bomb" is the pinnacle of the swearing pyramid. It grates on the ears, it's violent, and when you create a new curse, one meant to be interchangeable with the great F, you need to retain a measure of harshness.

Tanj. The word Mr. Niven invented was tanj...

"Tanj you! You tanjing tanjer!"

That sounds wrong, it's too soft. It glides to a slow stop instead of exploding to a violent end. It sounds like something I would order at an Indian restaurant. "An order of Aloo Tanj Paneer, if you don't mind".

It's meant to be an acronym-swear word, like FUBAR or SNAFU, but it's used like "f*ck". No one ever says "Fubar you!" or "Get to the snafu chopper before I fubar you up!".  Even those acronyms have the decency to contain an expletive.

Tanj - There Ain't no Justice

In Mr. Niven's defense, audio books weren't a commercial offering until sometime after the founding of Books on Tape in 1975. He didn't have to consider how obnoxious it would be to hear a somewhat nasal voice say that word a couple of dozen times. In his post-books-on-tape era work, his swearing was better, "Copsik" and "Checker". I think he learned his lesson.

Oh, and one more thing. A highly advanced society builds a habitable environment on a ring-like structure in outer space and seemingly disappears only to [highlight the spoiler] have it turn out that it was built by a previous society of humankind. [end]

Go tanj yourself, Bungie.

You should read this book with your eyes.

You should not listen to this audio book with your ears.

The Code of the Woosters - P.G. Wodehouse

I mentioned in an earlier post that a sale at Audible enabled me to get my hands on a few new audio books to hold me over until "new credit day" when I will likely begin the Tales of the Black Company saga. The Code of the Woosters was among the three shorter books used to fill the void until Thursday.

The Code of the Woosters is one of several stories of the life and misadventures of Bertram Wilberforce "Bertie" Wooster and his valet, Jeeves. Set in pre-WWII England, the story follows Bertie as he is swept up in the problems of the extremely rich and insufficiently wise. Such drama includes, but is not limited to, being denied meals prepared by his aunt's amazing chef, having to convince antiques brokers to sell silver "cow creamers" at lower prices to his collector of an uncle, and keeping his loved ones happily affianced thereby eliminating the threat of marriage for himself. Jeeves, the brains of the operation, is busily set to saving Bertie from his own bungling of these stressful situations.

I presume many people have had little or no exposure to these tales. I must confess that my first encounter was through the British TV show Jeeves and Wooster, starring the equally amazing Stephen Fry (Jeeves) and Hugh Laurie (Wooster).

Hugh Laurie as "Bertie Wooster" and Stephen Fry as "Jeeves"

And yes, you uncultured ass, that is TV's "Dr. House" on the left. He is British. He is a comedian. Shame on you for not knowing (and kudos to him for being great at drama too).

You can see this pair in another great British comedy, A Bit of Fry and Laurie.

It's 9/27/2011 and every episode is streamable on Netflix today!

I firmly believe that the Brits have a better understanding of comedy than most Americans. I would go so far as to say that, once I am elevated to the place of power that is my destiny, I will see to it that everyone will be mandated to watch British comedy or will be publicly flogged. Those doing the flogging will be the many out of work American sitcom writers, since their "services" will no longer be required. Not to say that all American sitcoms are bad, just most of them, enough to staff a small army of "punishment distributors" out of the "writing staff".

A cow creamer, two engagements, a chef, a policeman's helmet, a fascist, newts, burglaries, blackmail and broken noses. This fast-paced, witty book has it all.

If you love real comedy and a profound mastery of English, you should read or listen to this book.

If you believe Friends was the pinnacle of humor, you should not and you should not breed.

Agent to the Stars - by John Scalzi

Thanks to a great sale at Audible, a service that I endorse to all commuters on a level that should earn me a kickback or two from said service, I picked up a copy of John Scalzi's Agent to the stars, read to me by Wil Wheaton, an actor best known for his work on a program titled Star Trek: The Next Generation.

He played the charming, be-sweatered young man known to all as Wesley Crusher.

I suppose that since it has been eighteen years since Mr. Wheaton portrayed this character, it might be unfair to reference it willy-nilly, but that picture makes me feel superior to Wil, even with my professional acting experience being limited to a bastardized Christmas Carol/Cirque du Soliel mash-up as Scrooge's nephew and the star of the comedy pre-show. I had to do many things that one might consider embarrassing, but I never had to wear the above costume.

The book!

Agent to the Stars follows the life of a mid-level Hollywood agent who has just been given the client of a lifetime, an entire alien race. In their study of humanity, this race of gelatinous beings who communicate by what amounts to farting at one another have realized they need help being spun in a positive light before making first contact. It falls on the shoulders of this agent to discover a way, in secret, to introduce humanity to aliens while his clients go crazy and a tabloid reported tries to sink his career.

Here's the part where I retract my previous low-blow to Mr. Wheaton and replace it with a "bravo, sir".

He did a fantastic job reading as the various characters and was a contributing factor in the breaking of my "save it for the commute" rule for audio books.

I'm a big fan of Mr. Scalzi, particularly Old Man's War and its companion novels. This book was a departure for what I would consider "Scalzi Proper", but it was still a lot of fun.

If you have read Scalzi before, and are looking for a quick and easy read that will make you chuckle, you should give Agent to the Stars a read/listen.

If you have never read any Scalzi, read Old Man's War.

Pygmy - A Novel by Chuck Palahniuk

When I was an angst-ridden youth, I enjoyed the collected works of author Chuck Palahniuk. He was dark, subversive, and edgy. I read everything he ever wrote up through Diary.  Fight Club, the movie, came out when I was about 17 or 18 years old. I lived and breathed his dark, broken little world.

Then I discovered Kurt Vonnegut. I realized that his works were superior, even occasionally uplifting, and never went back to the author I then dubbed "Poor man's Vonnegut"

I went to my local library in the vain attempt to acquire interesting graphic novels or audio books, since I have plenty of unread novels at home. That last sentence sounds bad when I read it. I have a greater amount of read novels. I just have a backlog of purchased/borrowed books to get through before I delve into new books.

The audio books are my new endeavor to keep my sanity on my commute. I should have started them a year ago, when my commute first began, but I did not. I couldn't find anything from a trusted author, other than books partway into series' I hadn't yet begun. Then I noticed a couple books by Mr. Palahniuk.

This will have to do.

My initial reaction to the prose being read out loud for an hour was: "Sweet merciful crap, what the frak is this?"

“Begins here first account of operative me, agent number 67 on arrival Midwestern American airport greater 'REDACTED' area. Flight 'REDACTED'. Date 'REDACTED'. Priority mission top success to complete. Code name: Operation Havoc.”

The entire book is read this way. All from the perspective of "Operative me" all in broken English. It may break the typical way he writes, but it's still filled with Palahniuk's normal themes. Abuse, rape, murder, sexual deviance, anti-religion, and so on.

The only reason I kept on going was that I had no other audio book as a fall back, and no time for another trip to my library.

In all, the whole story is completely unbelievable. The characters are all hollow stereotypes and nothing of lasting significance transpires. The best parts are the flashbacks to Operative me's early childhood training, and the book could have used more of that and less scenes in the community church.

I wouldn't recommend this in written form. I imagine it would be very tiring to convert the written broken English into concepts. At least with hearing it spoken to you, half the work is already done.

I must praise the reader, Paul Michael Garcia, for doing an excellent job with such challenging writing. His reading helped to keep me engaged.

If it's playing in your car and you have a long commute, don't stab your ears, just listen and pass the time.

If you have access to other audio books, perhaps you should try them first.