Ringworld - by Larry Niven

Ringworld... it's a world that is also a ring

 
I am not even going to bother reviewing this book. It's number 44 on NPR's list of the top 100 sci-fi/fantasy books of all time. Nerds everywhere agree, it's worth a read. But, here is where they are wrong. If you are going to read anything by Mr. Niven, you are going to read The Integral Trees and then its sequel The Smoke Ring.

East takes you out, out takes you west, west takes you in, in takes you east; north and south bring you back.

What I DO intend to talk about is phonetics and the concept of invented cuss words.

There is something perversely satisfying about saying the word "f*ck". Whole documentaries have been made to that effect. Other science fiction sagas have invented expletives with varying degrees of success. Some have even chosen to swear in an existing language not native to its core audience. Of all the myriad invented oaths, only one has ever really done the job: Frak.

You might think it's because it's the most similar to the F-word proper, and you are correct in part. I firmly hold to the opinion, because it is the correct one, that it is phonetically appealing as a curse word.

There is something deeply satisfying about the sounds of K's, T's, and hard C's. Possibly why the "C Bomb" is the pinnacle of the swearing pyramid. It grates on the ears, it's violent, and when you create a new curse, one meant to be interchangeable with the great F, you need to retain a measure of harshness.

Tanj. The word Mr. Niven invented was tanj...

"Tanj you! You tanjing tanjer!"

That sounds wrong, it's too soft. It glides to a slow stop instead of exploding to a violent end. It sounds like something I would order at an Indian restaurant. "An order of Aloo Tanj Paneer, if you don't mind".

It's meant to be an acronym-swear word, like FUBAR or SNAFU, but it's used like "f*ck". No one ever says "Fubar you!" or "Get to the snafu chopper before I fubar you up!".  Even those acronyms have the decency to contain an expletive.

Tanj - There Ain't no Justice

In Mr. Niven's defense, audio books weren't a commercial offering until sometime after the founding of Books on Tape in 1975. He didn't have to consider how obnoxious it would be to hear a somewhat nasal voice say that word a couple of dozen times. In his post-books-on-tape era work, his swearing was better, "Copsik" and "Checker". I think he learned his lesson.

Oh, and one more thing. A highly advanced society builds a habitable environment on a ring-like structure in outer space and seemingly disappears only to [highlight the spoiler] have it turn out that it was built by a previous society of humankind. [end]

Go tanj yourself, Bungie.

You should read this book with your eyes.

You should not listen to this audio book with your ears.

Speaker for the Dead - Graphic Novel

U mad, bro?

Speaker for the Dead is among my favorite novels of all time, so I jumped at the chance to buy the Marvel Comics graphic novel. It's probably considered sacrilege by the masses, those many floundering fools, but I think it surpasses Ender's Game, a phenomenal book in its own right.

The story is rich with guilt, brokenness, loss, pain, faith, longing and hope.

Andrew Wiggin, once "Ender" to all of humanity, is faced with a new challenge. Due to planet-hopping and the wonders of relativistic space flight, Andrew has seen the passage of 3,000 years while only having lived another 20 or 30 years since he saved humanity from the Bugger menace as a child. Now, a new race has killed a human and Ender rushes off to the colony world Lusitania to investigate the death and attempt to get to know the strange aliens known only as Pequininos or "piggies".

I realize that a several hundred book will have to cut content in order to meet the needs of a much smaller graphic novel, but did they have to cut out EVERYTHING?

Golly, that looks like it has lots of pages! (side note: you can buy me a signed copy of this edition and become my new best friend)

Major characters were reduced to minor rolls to leave room for Andrew to be on almost every page. He is less the star of the story, and more a force of nature that changes everything he touches by the mere fact of his existence. His friendship with the AI known only as Jane is downplayed to almost nonexistence. The early scenes in the novel when he parts ways with his sister and closest friend, Valentine, were removed completely, robbing the reader of an insight into the cost Andrew has to pay to serve a greater cause.

Novinha and her children were almost exclusively in the background, which would make future graphic novels much more difficult as Andrew begins to take more of a back seat and Miro, Jane, and others step into larger roles. The redeeming factor here is that the graphic novel has the potential to introduce a new audience to a fantastic story, and perhaps whet the appetite for the novel and its sequels.

You should read this if you are able to forgive the absence of crucial elements.

If you haven't or won't read the novel, you shouldn't read this.

Agent to the Stars - by John Scalzi

Thanks to a great sale at Audible, a service that I endorse to all commuters on a level that should earn me a kickback or two from said service, I picked up a copy of John Scalzi's Agent to the stars, read to me by Wil Wheaton, an actor best known for his work on a program titled Star Trek: The Next Generation.

He played the charming, be-sweatered young man known to all as Wesley Crusher.

I suppose that since it has been eighteen years since Mr. Wheaton portrayed this character, it might be unfair to reference it willy-nilly, but that picture makes me feel superior to Wil, even with my professional acting experience being limited to a bastardized Christmas Carol/Cirque du Soliel mash-up as Scrooge's nephew and the star of the comedy pre-show. I had to do many things that one might consider embarrassing, but I never had to wear the above costume.

The book!

Agent to the Stars follows the life of a mid-level Hollywood agent who has just been given the client of a lifetime, an entire alien race. In their study of humanity, this race of gelatinous beings who communicate by what amounts to farting at one another have realized they need help being spun in a positive light before making first contact. It falls on the shoulders of this agent to discover a way, in secret, to introduce humanity to aliens while his clients go crazy and a tabloid reported tries to sink his career.

Here's the part where I retract my previous low-blow to Mr. Wheaton and replace it with a "bravo, sir".

He did a fantastic job reading as the various characters and was a contributing factor in the breaking of my "save it for the commute" rule for audio books.

I'm a big fan of Mr. Scalzi, particularly Old Man's War and its companion novels. This book was a departure for what I would consider "Scalzi Proper", but it was still a lot of fun.

If you have read Scalzi before, and are looking for a quick and easy read that will make you chuckle, you should give Agent to the Stars a read/listen.

If you have never read any Scalzi, read Old Man's War.

Paul - 2011

With the grand exception of Freaks & Geeks, I do not care for the collected works of Mr. Seth Rogen. In fact, it's fair to say that I find him completely intolerable. Suffice to say, I had my doubts about Paul when I heard he was voicing the titular role. To my surprise, he's not a bad voice actor. I think it might that the animators did nothing to try to make the character resemble the actor in any way whatsoever, thereby allowing their creation to emote on screen instead of just looking like a vapid pot head.

Vapid pot head.

I absolutely adore Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz. Those were the selling points for me to go see this movie, rather than waiting for DVD release. Here are the answers to the questions that any fan would ask in advance.

Is it as good as Spaced? No
Is it as good as Shaun? No
Is it as good as Hot Fuzz? Yes, better if you are a sci-fi nerd.

The movie was jam-packed with references to iconic science fiction. There were enough to give me a "nerdgasm". I won't ruin any of them for you by quoting here, but a couple of choice moments had me grinning from ear to ear.

It was also nice to see Jason Bateman not playing another Michael Bluth clone. His character in Paul was actually a total badass, and I think he played it very well. I hope for his sake that it gives him more opportunities to branch away from apparent typecasting.

I could praise the film further, but there is a little bad I would like to discuss. It's anti-faith, particularly anti-Christian. I don't know why this trend is so popular among comedians. It feels to me like beating a dead horse.

Dear Atheists,

I know that you don't believe in God, and that you find the faith of other people to be anywhere from cute and harmless, to silly, to the cause of all the world's problems. You've been ranting about it for long enough, I got it already. I don't need another movie, or chunk thereof, to browbeat me with your own thoughts on the matter. I mean, for the love of crap, The Invention of Lying went from hilarious to tedious because Ricky felt the need to preach atheism for more than half of the movie.

I digress. It could just be a pet peeve.

All told, this is a solid comedy road trip movie with a little romance and action throughout.

If you like funny movies, you should see this.

If you think that Paulie Shore movies are funny, you shouldn't.